In the beginning of my pregnancy with Bjorn, we discovered that our placenta had a hormone deficiency that would prevent him from getting fat and sugar/energy stores. We were advised this may prohibit his growth, specifically in the third trimester. And also, put us at risk of placental abduction in the third trimester.
During the third trimester I had weekly, and then eventually twice weekly doppler ultrasounds to monitor size and blood flow to baby. At 34 weeks, Bjorn had dropped to the 6th percentile in weight and size.
They decided they would induce me immediately at 37 weeks since he would thrive better outside of the womb and they considered 37 weeks term. At 7am on Halloween I was to be induced.
The night before, Micah suggested we take the night alone in the city and enjoy ourselves in a hotel room. He also took the liberty of booking me a massage/reflexology appointment in hopes this would naturally induce labor avoiding the dreaded pitocin IV.
As we were coming into the city, my water broke. Wonderful news as we would not have to be induced! We thought, how lucky could we have gotten!? I called the hospital and let them know what was going on so they could advise me and also be prepared for our arrival.
The nurse on the line told me I could still attend my massage and then come in, but to come in if I felt like I needed to.
The woman performing my massage did a wonderful job of being understanding of the situation and sped things up for me dramatically using reflexology. Every time she would go around a certain pressure point near my ankles, my water would squirt out and I would contract. I felt comfortable with her as she was a certified doula and trained in reflexology during labor.
40 minutes into my 90 minute massage, I got up and told her I needed to go, I knew it was getting very close to time as the active labor contractions were beginning. She called Micah as I got dressed and gathered my belongings. She then brought me water while I impatiently waited for his return. He moved rather quickly and then sped to the hospital, arriving in less than 3 minutes.
As we were entering the birthing ward, I knew what was coming any time now. The nurses attempted to gown me and pushed me into an IV, which was a struggle for everyone involved as the contractions did not let up, there was zero seconds between them at this point.
Within 20 minutes of arrival, Micah and I were holding our handsome, first born son. The son we delightfully named on only our second date! He latched the very second he was born and boy did he look identical to his sister! I couldn’t believe my eyes. Her twin, born 2 years later.
After delivering my placenta, they told us what a wonderful thing that had happened. I naturally went into labor. And just in time! My placenta had abrupted and my pregnancy may not have made it until the next morning.
How blessed we were with a son! Our dreams were fulfilled in these moments and the room lit up with love and light.
What a healthy, happy boy he was! My post-partum with Bjorn went smoothly in the sense that he nursed well, he was a calm, loving baby. He has always been super chill and layed back.
But something happened inside of me, something we never expected out of this grateful mother: I fell victim to post-partum depression when Micah returned to work during my recovery. He was at a point in his schedule where his clients were hounding him to be present on his jobsite. But he was concerned. For his wife at home, he knew I was struggling with the transition our spunky Violette was going through becoming a big sister and struggling with uncontrollable depression that left me feeling like an inadequate mother. As though my children would be better off without me…
I nursed Bjorn and eventually supplemented with an organic, 100% plant based formula as depression had killed my supply and Bjorn was very sensitive to dairy.
When we began supplementing, I quickly became pregnant again as I do not do well with birth control and Micah’s schedule had still not let up allowing for his vasectomy. What a wonderful surprise! Our hearts were filled with love and excitement at the thought of getting to hold another baby forever.
But the depression did not end. It increased ten fold as now I was suffering from both post-partum and first trimester depression in the midst of a high risk pregnancy due to my history of pre-term labor and the close interval between this pregnancy and Bjorn.
He began to worry that he could not leave me to go to work because of the state I was in. I was depressed, vomiting uncontrollably all day everyday, and I couldn’t gather myself to care for my loving children because I was so sick constantly. My three year old daughter would rub my back and hold my hair as I spent my days vomiting and Micah would express empathy in the night as I lost sleep to the sickness hour after hour.
This left me feeling like a horrible, inadequate mother. And then Bjorn had what we call “spells of unexplained unconsciousness” for prolonged periods of time. 8 hours in the first occurance and a whopping 30 hours on the second. We spent days in the hospital while they ran tests, performed MRI’s, and sadly, jabbed him with multiple spinal taps. Myself, vomiting through it all…
This left us with zero answers. They sent us home. This was devastating and so scary for us. How could this be happening to our healthy son?
The episodes stopped and at 18 weeks pregnant, I went into labor… Now we were watching Bjorn closely, losing sleep at night and concerned for the life of our unborn child we were so excited to love. They managed to stop labor and begin hormone injections to keep me pregnant. Then the second trimester came.
With it, came more and more sickness, until eventually I was in the third trimester with morning sickness and all the discomfort of pregnancy, specifically back pain. Sometime during all this, the depression had stopped, there was no room or time for that as we raised our 2 loving children and prepared for our third.
Bjorn is doing well now, growing like a weed and stunning me with his brilliance daily.
Mom guilt has eaten away at me as I’ve gone through this pregnancy feeling like I lacked in motherhood. But everyday my kids tell and show me that they love me. They show me why I am here and I know this is just a short season in parenthood. Soon, we will meet our third child and Bjorn will become the delighted big brother.
I’ve never met more loving children and can’t wait to watch them grow with their new baby. The excitement in them cannot be contained and leaves me feeling as if it truly is all worth it in the end. We are giving them the best gift we can give our children in another sibling and simply cannot wait.
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